Emotions: Broken Circle
by Hiasobi
Summary: " There is something indefinitely sad about loving someone, and not wanting to."      ::Please Read and Review::
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Slam Dunk 

_Emotions_   
  
  
He's not cold...just aloof. 

He's not uncaring...just unmindful. 

He's not a bastard...he just didn't respond nicely most of the time. 

And he's not a god. 

No, never that. 

No matter what all those girls tell me, he's not a god, a demi-god or an angel or anything else but human. He's human and that's what I see him as. 

He's good at basketball; I can't deny that, or that that he is exceptionally good-looking and attractive. I can't deny that almost all the girls are in love with him. 

And I can't deny that I'm one of them. 

But I _can_ deny that I am one of his fan girls. I've known him - no - known _of_ him since Jr. High. We went to the same school together then and we are now going to the same high school together now. 

I didn't fall in love with him on first sight, and I didn't fall in love with him when I first saw him play basketball. I didn't see him as a sex god, nor did I see him as a star. 

I don't know how or when I fell in love with him, but in the end, I just did. 

And I don't want to be. 

I don't want to be in love with him. I didn't then and I don't now. 

I hadn't been looking for a relationship, though I doubt he would have even given me a second thought. 

He was just a classmate, a boy classmate, but a classmate nonetheless. He was the star of the basketball team, the most sought after guy in school and also the most popular guy, weather he knew it or not. But I didn't give him any special attention. 

I'd go up to him and ask him for notes if he had any, work with him as a partner for a project when we were assigned together and paid politely and common courtesy to him. 

I didn't drool, or scream, or squeal, or go up in flames whenever he came around. I had simply did not like him like that, or so I had thought. It wasn't until the last months of the last year of Jr. High that I realized I did have feelings for him. 

And not just any old feelings, it was love. 

I _loved_ him. 

And I didn't like it one bit. 

After that, things changed. I avoided him, spent as little time in his company as possible, stopped going to all the places that he might have been (even if it was my favorite spot of the school), my heart would pound whenever he came near and just the smallest, tiniest, and almost unnoticeable blush appeared on my cheeks when I saw him. 

Things changed for me, but I doubt he even noticed. 

I had never really been friends with him and we didn't run with the same crowd. I mean, yeah, basketball is cool and all, but I don't really have a big interest in it. 

Yet I went to all my school games. 

My friends noticed the change that he didn't, and told me what futile feelings they were. He was known to break five hearts a day, mine would be no different. 

And I knew that, how much I knew that. My heart ached everyday because I loved him, and I didn't want to love. He would never return my feelings; he had no interest in girls or anything else but basketball. 

I assured my friends I wasn't planning on doing anything or that I wanted anything from him. 

I just wanted to see the games. 

My friends relented in the end and I even talked them into letting me go alone to all of them. 

I must have looked really weird; all the girls were in one section over on somewhere cheering ridiculously loud for one star on the court, and me, in the middle of a bunch of guys. But nobody complained. 

The girls were happy for less competition and the guys were happy to see at least one girl not crazy for the star of the basketball team. 

Nobody ever realized that my eyes were fixed on only that one person during the entire game. 

No I'm not ugly or hideous or ridiculously fat. 

I have long black hair that reached my waist, brown eyes, full strawberry lips, and creamy white skin. You know, the usual that comes with Asian descents. I'm pretty, but not beautiful, just the kind of girl you see everyday with a crowd of friends and the one you meet that you think are nice. Not so plain that your eyes just pass right through her, but not so beautiful that she instantly draws your attention. Nothing extraordinary, just everyday normal girl, nothing that really stands out. 

I passed the last few months of Jr. high noticing the things he did and at the same time, trying desperately to ignore him. 

We graduated and I spent the summer vacation, pushing him out of my mind and trying my best to get on with my life. And I succeeded too, I had a great summer and I even meet some guys. 

But once school started again, every else did too. He had never been able to go long without getting noticed. And once the basketball season rolled in, everything picked up again. He got onto the team and was widely praised, he picked up his own fan group and cheering squad and was soon again noticed to be one of the most popular and sought after guys in school. 

And I went to all of the games again. 

The summer away, it seemed, did nothing about my feelings for him. 

But I noticed someone else on the team as well. 

Sakuragi, wasn't it? 

Sure he did make a fool out of himself a lot of time, made stupid comments about other players, challenged others to piontless battles with him and was the mortal enemy of Rukawa, but he caught my attention. 

His silly antics made me laugh and his words inspired confidence to the team. He made himself stand out, and I looked up at him for that. 

He wasn't all that good-looking but he was cute. He behaved like a kid, innocently naïve to the point of almost stupidity. But I liked him, no, not in the crushy-oh-my-god-he's-cute way, just as in person-to-person way. 

He's in my history class, and even though he's said to be part of a vicious gang, I can't really see him like that. He's nice and very funny, and I think maybe I _could_ like him in the _'crushy-oh-my-god-he's-cute way'_. 

Maybe my feelings for Rukawa are finally fading. 

~~~~~~~~ 

She closed the journal that was settled on her lap and breathed out a sigh. She searched her school bag for an elastic band, and when she found it, she tied her loose waist length black hair into a low ponytail at her nape. Having that done she put her journal into her school bag and got up from underneath the cherry tree she had been sitting under for shade. {Whew! 3 and a half page, a lot for one day, but it's nice to get everything off my chest finally.} She thought and smiled at her herself. {There may be hope for me yet.} 

She looked around for her friends and waved back at them across the field of the schoolyard as she saw their moving arms in the air. She walked towards them but soon picked up her pace and started to run as she heard them shout for her to hurry up. She gave a laugh as they called her a slowpoke. 

It was too bad that during her run across the schoolyard she wasn't looking out for on-coming vehicles, because the next thing she knew, she was hit by a bicycle and was rolling on the ground with some extra weight. 

She blinked dazedly in confusion when she felt the tumbling finally come to a stop and felt a heavy weight pleasantly pushing down on her. She blinked at her hands in front of her, braced on a very muscular chest and looked up to see drowsy blue eyes staring down at her. 

{Or maybe not.} 

********   
Hiasobi: Please review! Would anyone want me to continue this? I kinda wrote it on the spur of the moment.... 


	2. Chapter One

This next chapter is dedicated to all of you guys who reviewed! 

fehrocious - Thanks for the review, you're my first reviewer for this ficcie. ^^. Anyhow, I'll try to correct the grammer mistakes but I make any promises. 

Han & E.C & kimi123- Continuing! Continuing! 

Super Rookie - Reviewing's a sport ya know...lol ^_~. 

icko14 - Ahhhh!! Don't kill me! Don't kill me! I'm writing, me writing! 

Dinette the lazy one. - Thanks. I don't realy like cliches that much either, and I always try to be original in my fics. Hope you like this chapter. 

amyza - Hope I can meet your expectations nicely. 

Carey-chan - I'll try to keep up the updates, but I'm not sure. With the end of the school year and all... 

anode - Ah, true true. There does seem to be lots of yoai for Rukawa on the net isn't there? 

To anyone one else who reviewed, if you weren't mention, you probably didn't hit the time I checked my fics... 

Without farther adu, my next chapter! 

Chapter One   
  
  
It took him a few seconds of blinking drowsy down at her, before he finally registered what he was seeing, tensed up and immediately rolled off of her. By then her cheeks were painted red and only when she could sit up again, did she see that her friends were now running towards her and a crowd had gathered around them. 

Most of the guys were snickering and throwing whistles but some of the girls, were glaring at her. She ignored them and took her friend's hand to pull herself up. She dusted off her skirt and nodded several times as her friends asked if she were okay. 

" Sorry." She said in apology, her eyes locked on his shoes as she bowed. " I wasn't looking where I was going." 

" ..." 

She heard his silence and took it as his own apology as he moved up from the ground and went to pick up his bicycle. She heard his footsteps moving away from her, and she shrugged off the nonchalant attitude as his usual behavior and walked off with her friends coming after her, all looking after her in a bit of confusion. 

" Rukawa-kun! Are you alright?" 

" She didn't hurt you did she?" 

" That bitch! Why didn't she watch where she was going?!" 

She heard the shouts behind her, and apparently so did her friends, because they immediately stiffened. 

" _That's_ Rukawa?!" she heard one of her friends hiss out and she clenched her eyes shut closed. 

" Misui," she whispered, " don't." 

Her friend quieted down and they walked a short distance, as she counted the seconds before she knew she would started up again. 

Five... 

Four... 

Three... 

Two... 

One... 

" Are you telling me _that's_ the guy you're in love with?" Misui exploded, " He didn't even apologize for running you over! You could have been seriously injured! Or worse, killed!" 

Shiro Misui had shoulder length black haired with light purple streaks she had got last weekend when they had went for hair cuts, clipped back with pins on the upsides of her ears, delicate cheekbones and - unusual for Asians - emerald green eyes. Misui was beautiful in the classical way of the westerns, as she was three quarters American. 

" Misui! That's enough!" Kara told Misui. 

Seimei Kara had chin length blonde hair - dyed -, a heart shaped face, petite nose and startling purple eyes that were real. Not your typical Asian, but then again, Kara was half Italian, so that explained it. Her looks made her very alluring to the guys. 

" Stop what?" Misui bite back, " I'm just stating a fact! The guy's a jerk!" 

" You guys! Stop fighting!" Sani pleaded them, casting a look in her direction. 

Kiboo Sani was a pure Japanese with black hair that just reached the bottom of her nape, soulful dark blue eyes, clear pale skin and cherry lips that gave her the gorgeous looks guys looked for. 

Misui and Kara followed Sani's gaze and they both instantly felt their hearts well up in guilt. 

" I'm sorry Eisei." 

And last of all her, Eisei, made up the finally member of their close knit-up group. 

" It's okay." She said smiling at them, " It doesn't matter. Now come on, or we're going to be late." 

" Look what you did!" Kara hissed to Misui. 

" Me?! What about _you_?" Misui retorted. 

" Guys!" Sani snapped at them. 

" Sorry." They grumbled. 

They walked in silence for a while again. Misui fidgeted with the strap of her school bag, and looked at Eisei out of the corner of her eye. 

" Hey Eisei," she said, " Why do like that ass?" 

Sani threw her hands up in the air in exasperation, " Don't you know when to _stop digging?!_" 

" I'm just curious!" Misui defended herself. 

" You can't really blame her Sani." Kara said a bit uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot. " You've known Eisei since the first day of Jr. High, but we've just met her this year and found about this a few days…so it's just natural that we're a bit curious." 

" Kara, you too?" Sani said incredulously. 

Kara blushed, " Yeah but I didn't know how to bring it up, I'm not as blunt as Misui." 

" It's okay Sani." Eisei said. " I don't mind." 

" Misui has a good point, why do you like him Eisei?" Kara asked, " Sure he has his own fan club and he's good at basketball and he's good looking, but he's kind of mean don't you think? He never replies, sleeps during class, skips, and ignores everyone most of the time." 

" I don't like him Kara." Eisei replied abruptly. 

" That's crap ma chere." Misui retorted in a huff, " You avoid him like a plague, go to all those games just to stare at him, always sit at the opposite side of the class then him and your eyes when you look at him..." Misui rolled her own eyes, " don't try to deny it. Besides, you're the one that told us you loved him." 

Eisei shook her head and did not reply; instead she just walked up to the school doors and went in, leaving Kara to stare after her forlornly, Misui in a huff and Sani looking at her back with pained eyes. 

" Misui, you don't understand it yet, do you? Neither do you Kara." Sani half told and asked them. 

" What do you mean Sani?" Kara asked, " Eisei loves him, isn't that all there is to it?" 

Misui snorted, " Yeah just like the rest of the school's female population. Why doesn't she admit it? It's in her eyes whenever she looks at him, whether she knows it or not." 

" What happens to her eyes when she looks at him?" Sani questioned them. " Do they turn to hearts?" 

" No." Kara replied, " They glaze over." 

" With emotions." Misui added. 

" With love." Clarified Kara. 

" With love," Sani agreed, " and pain." 

" What?" Misui and Kara both blurted. 

Sani gazed at them with wretched eyes, " There is something indefinitely sad about loving someone, and not wanting to." 

Misui and Kara were silent as the words slowly sunk in, and they lowered their eyes to the ground as they for the first time, they truly understood where their friend was coming from. 

" Come on." Sani chirped after a while, " We're going to be late." 

~~~~~~~~ 

" The capital city of Canada is Ottawa, but the provinces have their own capitals as well. Now who can tell me..." 

She tuned out the voice of her geography teacher and gazed out the window next to her seat, in the window row at the back of the room. {Am I really that transparent? Do my eyes really tell the whole world? Am I really like what Misui says I am? Does everyone know?} She turned her head around and gazed at the sleeping form at the other end of the row. {...Does he know?} She snorted softly at that thought {Yeah right, dream on girl. Like he'd noticed you from one of the other love-struck fans that follow him around.} 

She shook her head and turned back to look to the window to the schoolyard, watching lazily, of the figures running outside across the field. 

" Eisei-san!" the teacher barked. 

She startled back to the present and looked to see Giuma-sensei standing in front of her desk. 

" Can you tell me the capital city of Ontario?" he barked at her. 

" Toronto." She answered in a monotone. 

He glared at her, " Prince Edward Island?" 

" Charlottetown." 

" Manitoba?" 

" Winnipeg." 

" Quebec?" 

" Quebec city." 

The teacher muttered to himself as he gave her one final glare before going back to the front of the classroom. 

" I am assigning you a project that's worth 10% of your total mark this term." The class groaned. Giuma-sensei narrowed his eyes at them. " You will be working with a partner-" The class erupted in noise, the guy chatting to each other and the girls giggling and looking towards the sleeping form at the shadowed corner, it got to the point that Giuma had to bang his meter stick on his desk three times to get everyone to quiet down. " That _I_ will be picking. And I already picked the pairs and there will be _no_ swapping partners." 

The whole class groaned again, but there was nothing they could do. They all listened for their own names and hoped that the one attached to it was someone they could work with. As Giuma gradually descended down his list, people were paired off, some happy and some unhappy with their partners. 

" Eisei." She looked up at her own name, " You will be working with Rukawa." 

She was silent for a moment as all the girls glared at her and the remaining guys gave a sigh of relief, and looked at the sleeping figure of her partner. 

Giuma looked smug, probably thought this was a good punishment for her earlier behavior, spacing out and then making him appear a fool by knowing all the answers. Probably thought that the girls resentment towards her having this particular partner would unnerve her, little did he know that it wouldn't be the girls -she didn't give a shit what they thought of her- that would be making her unhappy about having this particular partner, but the partner himself. 

" Eisei-san?" Giuma said smugly as all the glares intensified pressure on her. 

Her eyes dropped to her table and then she looked out to the schoolyard and gave a sigh. " Hai." 

He nodded and all the students got out of their seats and walked towards their partner's. Eisei gathered her stuff and walked over to the table next to the sleeping student. She stared down at him for a while, not sure what to say or do about her predicament. After a short while of debating her options, she sighed and settled into the seat next to him, took out her textbook, and started to take notes. 

Whatever her teacher thought of it, she just didn't feel up to receiving a punch to the gut right about now. 

She chanced a glance to her sleeping partner, and had to blink back the burning sensation that suddenly appeared in the back of her eyes. She bit down on her trembling bottom lip and her vision of him slowly turned to blurs. 

{I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.} She thought, and at the same time, wondered how it was possible for your mental voice to crack. 

********   
Hiasobi: Please review and I'm open to any suggestions you might have and would like to happen in this fic. 


	3. Chapter Two

Reviewer Acknowledgement: 

icko14 - I love that you're loving it! And there's more things to come! Love lifes are never easy are they? -_-, How is a teen to cope to such things? 

Amyza - Thanks I will. Hope you like this chapter. 

Han - Yup. Aa...maybe...kinda...-_-'' I haven't really decided on that piont yet. There _will_ be romance, just maybe not specifically between Rukawa and Eisei, I don't know how I'll be able to do that and keep him in character at the same time, but I'll try my best! 

fehrocious - No more waiting, here the next update! Eisei is lucky ne? Partners with Rukawa... 

E.C - : p, who says it's a must? If you keep reviewing, I'll keep writing, so its up to you! 

Nellie - Chances are, you'll find something for you in the next few capters. ^_~. 

Author's note: I know that I'm not really living up to teh romance in which the story is catagorized under....but I'm just tryig to build up the characters before I move on, but I'll try to fit some in soon. 

_Chapter Two_   
  
  
She didn't hate it. She didn't like it. She didn't love it. 

Whatever she felt for it, them, him, was purely emotional, and there were no words in which she could use to describe her feelings. 

A deep cut. 

A shallow prick. 

He was neither and both. She sighed. She had a knife stabbed in her heart, and the very hand that twisted it was her own. 

Life was so complicated, and pain had always came with complications. She wondered how this had come to be for her. 

~~~~~~~~ 

They stared up form the schoolyard underneath the cherry tree to the roof of the school, where she stood alone facing the sun, looking out to the distance. She was by herself as far as they could see and her hair was free from its bindings, blew softly in the wind with the shirttail and skirt of her uniform. 

They couldn't see her eyes; she was but a figure in the distance. For now, she was distant from them, and only one among their group understood why. 

Sani stared out at the figure with eyes full of sorrow. 

" Why isn't she coming down?" Kara questioned, looking up to the roof. " Isn't she having lunch with us?" 

Sani shook her head, " She'd prefer to be left alone right now." 

" Why?" Misui asked blank face, "Did something happen or something?" 

Sani looked to the unmoving figure on the rooftop. " Yeah. Probably." 

Kara and Misui exchanged looks, " 'Probably'?" 

Sani was quiet for a moment, but then spoke suddenly, her voice held carefully neutral. " Do you know when Eisei fell in love with him?" 

Kara and Misui blinked, then hesitated a moment before shaking their heads slowly. 

" It wasn't when she first saw him," Sani sighed out, " nor was it when she first saw him on the court. Do you know when she first fell in love with him? Do you?" 

The two girls shook their heads negative again and traded uneasy looks with each other as they saw the angered expression of their friend's eyes. 

" She told me," Sani said through clenched teeth, " I was there. She told me...it...it...it was-" 

Kara and Misui traded alarm looks, as Sani's voice was enraged and passionate, and her eyes watery and overflowing with tears. 

" God damn him." Sani whispered fiercely and swiped her arm across her face to destroy the trails of tears that ran down her face. " Damn him." 

Without another word, Sani ran from the two, ignoring their cries of startlement and leaving them behind in confusion and distress. 

~*~*~*~*~   
Memories could be good and bad. We often remember important or relevant events in our lives, things that leave us with a big impression. But unluckily for us...it is the bad things we often remember, because it is those times that leave the biggest impressions with us, because it is in those times there is no hope or happiness, only pain and despair. 

Memories are most often just nothing but long flashbacks, of past mistakes.   
~*~*~*~*~ 

_~ +Flashback+ ~   
  
She saw the body, slumped back and weighing heavily on the ground in a shadowy corner of the hall. It laid slumped sitting on its legs and its long hair was free from its usual low ponytail, covering the face from the world as its head slouched forward.   
  
She felt her heart constrict at the sight.   
  
" Sei-chan!" she cried running over to the figure. " Sei-chan, talk to me! Are you alright?"   
  
The figure blinked its eyes from underneath the curtain of hair and- " Ki-chan? Ki-chan is that you?"   
  
She nodded to the wide-eyed face of her friend, yet she saw no acknowledgement of the confirmination of her identity to the girl. She searched her friend's eyes, which were wide, glazed in white, and pupils dilated. She looked like she was in shock.   
  
" Sei-chan, what happened to you? Why do you look like this?" she questioned frantically, letting her eyes trail up and down her friend's body and noticed the state of her crumpled uniform." What are you doing here in the school so late?"   
  
" I-I-I." Her friend opened and closed her mouth several times but unable to form more than one word, she closed it.   
  
She saw her eyes drop down to her lap, and for the first time she saw the body laying next to her friend and the head pillowed softly on her friend's folded legs. She watched in animated shock as her friend ran soft caressing fingers tenderly through the head of hair. She blinked as she saw water droplets slowly land onto the skirt of the uniform, and the mop of messy black hair.   
  
" I-I" her friend tried to speak again and has to swallow back a lump in her throat, " I think I'm in love with him too now Kiboo."   
  
" What?!" She managed to gasp out.   
  
" I-I don't know how it happened." Her friend's voice broke and her small petite form was racked in sobs. " I don't know how it happened Kiboo, nor do I know why. Except that he smiled at me. He smiled at me."   
  
" Sei-chan." Kiboo rasped out, " Explain to me how this happened?"   
  
" I-I don't know!" her friend cried, " They told me there was a party-and so I came-but-but I remembered I forgot to phone and tell my cousin where I was-he was suppose to pick me up after practice-and so I came out bu-but when I passed the guys changed room to get to the payphones-he came out and-and-"   
  
" Sei-chan," she tried to sooth her friend, " calm down. Just calm down."   
  
" I don't know what happened next!" she cried in distress, " He-he just suddenly smiled at me and I felt weird. Breathless, and there was like a overflowing in my heart or something, you know?"   
  
Kiboo felt her throat tighten up.   
  
" And the next thing I know-he-he pushed me up against the wall and-!"   
  
Her friend stopped right there, curled her form down and -to her horror- hugged the boy close to her. She wrapped her hands around the boy's head and tucked it gently against her bosom.   
  
And she for the first time noticed her friend's bruised lips.   
  
She watched in sickened fascination as her friend slowly brushed the bangs away from the boy's closed eyes. She looked in horror at her friend's finger, which slowly traced a tender outline of the rough face and soft eyes slowly trickled over in feelings she dared not guess.   
  
The quiet hummed in the air like a consistent buzz, not letting any noise into its presence and fighting off the silence that so desperately wanted to settle over them.   
  
And Kiboo could do nothing but stare, as the quiet swallowed her heart whole.   
  
" T-that was you're first kiss." Kiboo gasped out in realization. " You always wanted it to be something special. Something unique. Something you would cherish forever."   
  
Kiboo grinded her teeth together in frustration as her friend closed her eyes and allowed herself only silent tears to fall.   
  
" It was so important to you." She said, confused at the sight of her vision blurring " You wanted it to be of so much significance. You, one of the prettier girls of this school and the only girl who hadn't been kissed." Her voice cracked and she didn't understand why, " You, who put so much meaning into that one action we others never gave a first -never mind- second thought to."   
  
She could no longer see any clear lines, and she looked to the place above her friend's head.   
  
" You," her voice could no longer stay stable, " who made us all, think of what we had done, and regret our freely given, meaningless caresses of which we bestowed upon anyone. And made us promise ourselves, that for the single memory we did not have, you would receive to cherish."   
  
" Please don't tell anyone."   
  
" What!" she snapped her head down to stare incredulously at her.   
  
" Please don't tell anyone." She repeated in the same whispery voice she had spoken in the first time.   
  
Kiboo opened and closed her mouth several times, but yet was unable to produce any words to communicate her shock, anger, and confusion.   
  
" He was drunk." Her friend continued ignoring her reaction, " It's not his fault."   
  
Kiboo's jaw clenched and she stared down at her searchingly.   
  
Her friend gazed up to her with pleading eyes, " Sani..."   
  
She didn't know what she found, but whatever it was, it mad her turn sharply on her heel and run away. Away, far away, and to never stop running.   
  
Maybe one day, she could run far enough from what she found and finally be able to hide.   
  
~ +End Flashback+ ~_

Eisei looked down to the field from her place on the rooftop, and felt a silence settle itself over her as she spied the moving figure of her friend. 

{You're running again...} 

She diverted her eyes away from the sight and felt the knife twist one more time. Her throat tightened and she found it hard to swallow. Looking back over to the figure of her friend, a heavy weight was suddenly felt on her shoulders, one she had ignored for far too long. 

After that incident, their friendship had become constricted, words began to take on new meanings and feelings were hurt necessarily, until one day, it had become what it was now. 

After that night, Sani had not asked for the details of what happened. 

And she hadn't bothered to explain it. 

She had put it off long enough, she would need to clear things up soon. 

{Sani...} she thought staring down to the running figure off in the far distance, {Gomen ne. Gomen nasai.} 

*******   
Hiasobi: Yay! The next chapter's done and out finally! Please review everyone! And don't worry the plot line will show up eventually. 

Oh, and is anyone interested in being a chracter of this fic? I'm running out of brain power, so if you're interested, please send a email to |yoakenomyoujou@hotmail.com| with the name, decription and attitude you would like of your inserted character. 


	4. Chapter Three

Reviewer Acknowledgement: 

Nellie - Ah, don't worry if you don't understand much right now. I'm sure you'll get it later on. 

icko14 - Oh my god! I think I've got a constant reviewer!! YIPPE!! *HUGS!!* And The flashback? It's a bit complicated and don't worry, you're not suppose to get it. not yet anyways. ^_~. 

kimi-chan - Hi! I got your email, can you guess which one is you when you come on? 

super rookie - Eee!! I'm so happy i have so many people liking and reviewing my fic! Thanks for the compliment! 

fehrocious - Thanks, I try my best! Ah, aren't we all in love with him? ^_^ 

amyza - Aa, the last chapter was a bit sad wasn't it? I seem to be on angst mode...so I'll warn ya, this chapter is even more sad than the last. 

Han - Wow, I didn't think it was really that sad...well maybe it was but um...*sweatdrops* k, you think maybe I should put a tissue warning on the summery? 

Chapter Three   
  
  
_" Hello, my name's Eisei. Nice to meet you."   
  
" Name's Kiboo Sani. Nice to meet you too."   
  
" I'm new here, I hope you don't mind if I tag along with you for a while...?"   
  
" Sure, there's no problem."   
  
" Thanks."   
  
" Don't mention it."_

~*~*~*~*~ 

Eisei leaned back onto the doorframe of the gym, her body loose and the school bag almost falling from her limps hand. Her soft brown eyes were drowning in several emotions at once and her whole face was dragged down in a tired expression. Though she had just come from Phys Ed., she knew it was not the reason for her exhaustion. This weariness was not from the body, it was from the mind. 

Staring into the gym and the students inside it right now, she couldn't help but avert her eyes. There was something there she didn't want to see, but at the same time wanted to be near. She closed her eyes with a weary exhaustion and breathed out a silent breath before setting out to leave. 

" Eisei-san?" 

She blinked and turned at the voice. 

" Eisei-san, it is you!" Haruko exclaimed. 

" Haruko-san." She replied, " Good afternoon." 

" What are you doing here at the gym after school Eisei-san?" Haruko asked glancing into the building, " Come to watch the basketball team practice?" 

Her grip on her school bag tightened. " Not really," she said lofty, " and I was just leaving. Ja ne Haruko-san." 

" Uh, matte yo Eisei-san!" Haruko cried after the jogging figure of the girl before she could turn the corner. 

" Nani?" Eisei questioned turning around on the spot but not coming back. 

" I heard you guys got assigned partners for a project in geography and um...I was wondering..." 

" Hai?" she prompted. 

Haruko blushed. " Who is Rukawa-kun's partner?" 

Eisei froze for a second, but then proceeded accordingly, her voice the same as it was before. " Oh Rukawa-kun's partner? That's me." 

" You?" Haruko said blankly, blinked, then smiled. " Oh, okay...I was just um...wondering you know." 

" Haaaiiii." She drawled out teasingly and turned the corner. 

" I was!" Haruko shouted out to where she had been, her cheeks still red. " I was." She finished feebly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

On the other side of the wall, Eisei picked up her pace from walking to speed walking, bouncing footsteps, jog, run, and then finally, dash. She zoomed right out of the schoolyard, past the cherry trees, out the gates, and down the street. 

_I was just wondering...who is Rukawa-kun's partner?   
  
Oh Rukawa-kun's partner? That's me.   
  
Rukawa-kun's partner? That's me.   
  
That's me.   
  
That's me.   
  
That's me...   
  
Rukawa-kun's partner? That's me.   
  
That's_ me. 

{Dammit. Make it stop. Make it stop. I don't want to hear it. I don't want it to be true. Somebody make it stop. STOP!! It's not true, it's not true, its not true, it'snottrue,it'snottrue! NO...} 

_Oh Rukawa-kun's partner? That's me._

{No...} 

_You're running again..._

{no...} 

Slowly, a tear slid down her cheek. 

~ + ~ 

" Have you heard? Have you heard?" 

" What what?" 

" Rukawa-kun's class got assigned partners for a project!" 

" Wa! Really?" 

" Yeah! And I heard his partner is a _girl_!" 

" What?! No!" 

" I _know_!" 

" Will you two stop talking?!" 

" Sempai! Gomen. We were just-" 

" Sempai! Can you believe it? Rukawa-kun's permanent partner for a project is a _girl_!" 

" So?" 

" So! His partner is a girl! She'll try to steal him away from us!" 

" His partner is Eisei-san." 

" Oh..." 

~ + ~ 

She approached the swings of the empty night park with a steady pace, still in her school uniform but uncaring of that fact. Placing her school bag next to the pole, she settled herself onto the empty swing and encircling the metals bars at the side with her arms, she moved and rested her hands on her lap. She let her legs dangle in the air off the ground and was unmoved as the night was filled with her swing's protesting squeaks to her weight as well. 

" I thought I would find you here." 

" ..." 

" ..." 

" This is where we first met." 

" Yeah, brings back memories doesn't it?" 

" Any one in particular?" 

" The first time we met." 

" Oh, you mean when I asked if I could follow you around?" 

" Yeah. That's the one." 

She pushed the swing to move. " It's a nice memory." 

" Yeah, but inaccurate isn't it? I ended up following you around instead." 

She gained a bit of height and stretched her legs up front to go higher. " Nothing wrong with that." 

" You're a magnetic person, people are naturally attracted to you." 

She bent her knees and recoiled from the swing. " But sometimes I wish they weren't." 

" Feeling shy?" 

Swing forth. 

"...Maybe." 

Swing back. 

" Amazing." 

Swing forth. 

" Not really. It isn't really a big transition from being reserved to being shy." 

Swing back. 

" You reserved? You talk all the time." 

Swing forth. 

" Yeah, but does that make me any less reserved of a person?" 

Swing back. 

" You never talk about yourself." 

Swing forth. 

" Yeah." 

She came to an abrupt stop. " When did our friendship change so much?" 

" You know when." 

" I guess going to that party was a mistake huh?" 

" ..." 

" But I wonder sometimes, who was the one at fault that night. Me or Rukawa..." 

She was quiet. 

" Ah well, I got to go now. It's getting late. I'll see you tomorrow at school." With that she got up from her swing, picked up her bag and took off. 

Leaving behind a still motionless figure on the otherwise empty night park swings, to stare down at the sandy ground that its toes barely grazed. " You didn't have to say it." She rasped, " You didn't have to speak my part of the conversation as well." A tear slowly slid its way down Sani's cheek. " Sei-chan." 

_She didn't know what she found, but it made her run away.   
  
Away.   
  
Far away..._

********   
Hiasobi: Another chapter!! O_O, I'm updating this fic more then I ever did my other ones. *lol* Please Review! 

And I'm still looking for a few more characters...so, send emails to yoakenomyoujou@hotmail.com if you want to be part of this fic! Also I'm short on extras, so if you see yourself appearing for a short amount of time, please don't mind it. 


	5. Chapter Four

AN: Yes, I am aware I hadn't updated in a long time, but school! And homework! You won't proabably see anotehr update as soon either. end of the year stuff, but after that I promise to have more out! 

Reviewers: 

Nellie - Hmm...I Think I can create a Fujima cheer squad somewhere...(lol) 

Sendoh - Here's a new chapter, just for you! ^_~ (Don't tell the other's I said that.) 

kimi-chan - Lol, you'll see yourself soon, uh demo Kimi-chan, u forgot something in ur description of you're character for me...(hint: looks) 

icko14 - : p, maybe you're just [a bit] dense. j/k! I think this chapter might just clear it out for you, I'll a wait for your comments! 

Tensai- man - sush, thanks for teh compliment, I'm really not that good. You guys need to stop teasing me. And don't worry, the 'tensai' will show up soon. 

chescaOtaku - Arigouto! And I think you just wrote me my longest review yet! *hugs and holds out award trophy* And I don't think this chapter is very cliche, don't you? 

fehrocious - Hmm...lemme see where I can put you in...how about...oh! I got an idea...*grins evilly* You'll come in soon... 

super rookie - Thank you! And I hope you're reviews will be beautifully written too! 

hey - I'm thinking..Jenny? 

Chapter Four    
  
  
It was after dark and she was at the school, but she didn't really care. Her head hurt, her feet hurt, and her heart hurt. It was going to be snowing in hell before she gave a darn right now about how that students weren't allowed at school after closing hours, how that she was suppose to be home and how that she was an idiot who hurt her friend again. 

Okay, maybe she did care about that last one. 

{Damn it all to hell!} She shouted in her mind and stomped angrily up the stairs, knowing that she was going to nowhere, but she needed a purpose to her strides, just to keep moving. She couldn't stop. 

" How long are you going to be like this?" 

Sani looked sharply to the voice. "What?" 

Misui pushed herself off of the wall of the second level hallway, in which they were in right now. " You can't hold a grudge forever," she informed her, " and she won't always be there to forgive you." 

" It's none of your business." Sani barked, " Stay out of it." 

" You think you're the only one who feels the pain?" Misui shot out, " Eisei's hurting just as much as you, if not more." 

" Shut up." Sani commanded. 

" Stop living in a world of delusions and wake up to reality already. The world doesn't revolve around you." 

" Shut up." She demanded again. 

" Love like that is bound to hurt," Misui continued, ignoring her words. " but maybe over time it will dull into something tolerable. But until then, you're just going to have to deal, like the rest of us have to." 

" Butt out!" She shouted and turned sharply on her heel to run. 

Misui reached out grabbed her wrist to restrain her, " Do you, or do you not want to be with Eisei?!" 

Sani didn't reply, but instead fought against her and tried to free her hand from hers. 

" She is something truly remarkable." Misui related, " I don't think any one of us want to lose her. So don't make us all suffer for your own selfishness." 

She calmed and stood still for the moment, " Shut up, and let go." 

Misui released her hand, and as soon as she did, Sani took off and was out of there before she could do anything else. 

_Run away..._

" Damn girl," Misui said, lulling her head back to stare up at the ceiling, " grow up already. I don't know how much longer we can wait." 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Smile and keep smiling; even if you are sad because you never know if somebody could be falling in love with your smile. 

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Eisei was a cheerful person, she was ever hardly down in front of her peers and she always had energy to spare. She was almost like one of those anime characters that were always sugar high. Eisei loved chocolate. 

She was nice and she was always willing to lend a helping hand if need be, she was very easy to be around. She could ease your conscience, talk to you in a soft voice, be patient, be there next to you and listen to all you need to say, no matter how much. 

She was a good listener. 

She smiled a lot. 

When she was happy, she smiled. When she was sad, she smiled. She said when she was sad and she smiled, the bad memories were pushed to the back of her mind. It was like a refuge to her sometimes for that. 

She told her that. And people told her that. 

Kara. 

But Kara wondered sometimes, now, if that was true. Her friend, she hadn't been cheerful, hadn't been perky, and hadn't smiled for the longest time... 

She wondered what that meant. 

And she wondered whose fault it really was. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

She entered the classroom quietly, and locking the door behind her, she leaned onto it and sighed. The first floor hallway was empty behind her. 

" So did you guys talk?" 

She turned and gave a smile to her friend Kara. " If you can call it a talk, yeah." 

" What do you mean?" 

" I spoke for the both of us. I'm tired of her always running away, and maybe this way she'll finally stop." 

Kara tilted her head, curious. " How can you speak for the both of you?" 

" I've known her long enough to know how she thinks, and I know how she would have respond, is she had chosen to respond. Chosen to stop running." 

" So did she?" 

"...You tell me Kara. I'm tired of chasing after her." 

" And you? How are you doing?" 

" You're so nosy Kara." 

Kara waved it off with a shrug, " Can't do anything about it. Now, how are you doing?" 

She sighed, " How do you think I'm doing?" 

" Still yet to face the problem, but you seem to be preparing to meet it head on. Quite good for a person who's running." 

She snorted, " No thanks, I'll leave the running to Sani." 

Kara raised an eyebrow, " Oh yeah? Then what have you been doing for so long?" 

She looked down to the ground beneath her feet, her voice soft. " Hiding." Kara was silent, waiting for Eisei to continue. 

" I've always been hiding. That's the difference between me and Sani, she's running so she can find a place to hide. But I've been doing that from the start," she looked up and smiled at Kara with soft teary eyes, " I'm tired of hiding Kara. And Sani is tired of running too." 

" Eisei…" 

" No I don't think that's correct. I think we've both been tired for a long time, but we kept going and pushing ourselves until we would give out from exhaustion." 

" But why Eisei?" Kara asked anguish. " Why? Neither of you are happy this way." 

Eisei looked upon her tenderly, " Because no one told us it was time to stop. No one told us." 

Kara threw her arms around her friend and hugged her close, unwilling to let her go. Tears streamed down her cheeks, as she wished she could, somehow, someway, make her friend stop hurting. " You can stop hurting now, Eisei. You don't have to hide anymore." 

She looked past her friend's shoulder to the wall, her eyes gently filling with warm liquid, but unable to let them fall. " It's not that easy Kara…" 

" It's never that easy Eisei. We can only hope." 

She buried her face into Kara's shoulder as her friend held her like one would an infant, rocking her gently and cooing softly, and she let her eyes fall closed, and wished for tears. 

~~~~~~~ 

I didn't hate him. 

I admired him. 

His looks, his talent, his potential. Everything. 

He had so much in him, and it was purely him. It wasn't just luck and pure talent too he worked for it. I saw him everyday after school in the gym whenever I choose to take a peek to see if he was there, practicing. 

He was always there. 

I don't think it ever occurred to me that I looked just like one of his fan girls. I already had a boyfriend, and I don't think he ever brought it to my attention, since he didn't really care, since his attention was somewhere else. Since both our attention was somewhere else. 

He had skill. I saw that the first time I ever laid eyes on him, but so did the coach. And soon, so did everyone else. 

Rukawa. 

It was a name that exploded overnight at the school. 

I admired him; he had so much self-worth, and would make it so much farther in this world than most of us. This world that would swallow you whole if you didn't watch out. 

I constantly talked about him and pointed him out to my friends and peers, I idolized him. He was perfect. Perfect in everyway possible, at least, he was then. 

Then that night happened, when my friend's brother phoned me and told me she wasn't home and asked worriedly if I knew where she was. I remembered there was a sports party at the school, she was probably there -the girls on the teamed all loved her- and so I told him that. He was relieved and hung up, and I didn't stop him. Even though I didn't tell him one important thing. 

I felt something was extremely wrong. 

I was running towards the school before I knew it, faster and faster, pumping my legs out from beneath me to go farther and to cover the distance as quick as possible. There was something I needed to stop, something I needed to be there for, yet no matter how fast I ran, I felt a sense of futileness. 

And then I finally got there. 

I pushed open the school doors and ran in, through the lobby, past the office and down the halls. Turning, twisting, every corner before me was an obstacle I need to pass and then I saw it. 

Saw them. 

Saw her. 

Saw the slumped back, unseeing, unmoving forms. 

Saw her slumped back, unseeing, unmoving form. 

Eisei. 

And then she looked at me with those eyes, those soft dark eyes of brown, and I knew. 

I called out to her, and watched as she responded. She said something and I said something, it doesn't really matter anymore. After awhile I snapped, I had to get away, because I knew, knew from looking at her, knew from looking at them, I lost. 

I don't hate him. 

In fact, now, I admire him more than ever . 

I envy him. 

He succeeded where I was failed. 

He taught her how to love. 

He has her love. 

*******   
Hiasobi: Hope you guys like this and I hope this cleared up some things. I'll try to get the net chapter out sooner, but no promises...but for that, I'll make the next chapter longer! How about it? Please review! 


	6. Chapter Five

Author Notes: Wow I'm actually updating this fic. I thought I wouldn't be writing for a long time, seeing school just started about a month ago again and all. But I wrote something and I thought 'why not put it up? Somebody might even want to read it'. So here it is. 

Reviewers: 

rurouni - Thank you for your comment, it motivated me to write more when I read it. 

super rookie - You flatter me, I'm sure its not that good, as opposed to some other works out there, I'm not even sure why you read this. 

kimi-chan - Thank you, I got your e-mail and can you try to guess and see who you are from now on? 

Nellie - I've been keeping you waiting for a long time..never fear! Now that I'm back and writing, Fujima will appear soon. P.S. I got your note you want to be a character? I need your describtion of your character. 

fehrocious - Don't worry, I have my plans to keep you in here for a looonnggg time...heheh. But I need you to either leave me a review or send me an e-mail of your describtion so I can put you in somewhere. 

Han - I don't know in what direction this fic will turn to, but it'll be fun to find out eh? ^_^ 

cookies - Here's the next chapter for you! 

nicki - You have just left me the longest and most insightful review so far O_o. And hm...and thank you for your suggestion...*thinks* now if I do this and this and that.... 

Yaoi Faerie - Here's more Rukawa for you at your request! @_@ I wonder how you found this work buried under all those people who actually update... 

Chapter Five    
  
  
She could hear the beats of a ball on hard wood floor. 

" Is that very smart?" 

She turned at the voice to see that someone half hidden in the shadows, the profile was familiar to her but not quite, and she remembered every single time that she had meet those distinctive brown eyes before. She remained at her spot of the gym wall and leaned against it, remaining quiet and waited for the rest of the sentence. 

" You amaze me every time." The voice spoke with amusement, " Basketball was always a sport he liked, but then he got so involved with it, it became a subject that was almost always on his mind. I couldn't stand it." Frustration was clear in the words, but amusement over took the voice again. "Yet here you are, loving and pining away for those basketball nuts. I have to say it again, you are amazing." 

" Not really." She murmured, " It just proves I'm a victim to my emotions." 

" Really?" the voice was mild, " Then I have to applaud you, to be able to go about it as you have." 

She remained silent and looked to the ground, clutching her handbag in her hands; she bounced it with her knees to get rid of some of the nervous energy she had stored in her until she heard a sigh. 

" I better be going to class now. I'll see you around sometime. Ja." And with that, she looked up to see the figure turning around to walk away from her and towards the main building of the school. 

" Eisei! Eisei!" a new voice shouted and she turned to her left to see her green-eyed friend running towards her, the purple streaks in her hair shining bright in the sunlight. " There you are, I've been looking all over for you!" 

" Ohayo Misui." She replied. 

Her friend roll her eyes and opened her mouth to say something but then stopped, something in the corner of her eye catching her attention. 

Misui's eyes widened and turned back to meet hers in half shock " Is that-" 

" Yes." She calmly answered. 

" What was she doing over here?" Misui asked. 

" She saw me and wanted to talk to me I guess." 

Misui blinked, " Isn't she rumored to be-" 

" Yes." 

" But didn't he-" 

" Yes." 

" And wasn't he-" 

" Yes." 

Questions marks whirled around Misui's head, " And you-" 

" Yes Misui." She decided to take pity on the poor confused girl and patted her on the head, " It's okay Misui. Everything's okay." 

" But it's not okay!" Misui protested. " You-I mean he-and she-" 

" It's okay Misui." She said sincerely. 

Misui blinked once, twice, three times. " ARG! You people are seriously one of a kind!" 

Eisei bit back a smile at the face her friend was making, " Why were you looking for me Misui?" 

Her friend sighed and decided to give up her current train of thought, least she fried her brain. She brought herself back to the answer what Eisei had asked, and immediately sobered up. " Kara wanted me to make sure you were okay. Are you okay?" 

" I'm fine." She responded and pushed herself off the gym wall, when her heard the cheered around the corner getting louder " Let's get to class now." 

Misui sighed, giving up, and walked back to the main building with Eisei before classes began. She gazed at her friend with sad, angry eyes, which Eisei either didn't see or ignored. {Well at least I tried Kara.} Misui thought. 

Eisei ignored the look her friend was giving to her and remained stubbornly silent all the way across the schoolyard. They want to help her, she knew that…but they just didn't know how. 

The faint cries of cheers being left behind, as they walked farther away from the gym. 

" Ru-ka-wa! Ru-ka-wa! You're number one Ru-ka-wa!" 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

" Sempai!" 

Amidst a crowd of black haired girl sannensei (third year students), she turned at the sound of the words, recognizing the voice of the call. Short brown hair brushed against her cheeks, glasses magnified brown-almost peach eyes and standing a bit taller than the other girls around her, she saw her target approaching. 

Blonde hair flying as she ran, twisting her skinny body in each and every direction to avoid getting hit, shining purple eyes flitted back and forth from by-standers to her goal. Boys stopped their walk to stare and comment teasingly to their immobile friends. 

" Anko-sempai!" Kara said quite breathlessly as she finally reached her friend, chest heaving and her legs a bit wobbly. 

" Seimei-san." She replied to the second-year, " What are you doing on the third floor? If you get caught you'll be in trouble." 

" If, Anko-sempai." Kara pointed out. " _If._" 

The surrounding sannensei laughed while she merely rolled her eyes, " Hai, hai Seimei-san. What is it you were looking for me for?" 

The second-year's eyes became serious at that and purple looked into peach-brown, " I was just wondering, how much longer?" 

_Is the wait almost finished?_

She felt a smile tug at her lips, " Almost. Almost." 

Kara nodded, then turned to leave in the direction she had came from, " Alright then. See ya." 

" See ya." She called back out to the girls retreating back. 

" What was that all about?" Her friend asked, confused. 

" Nothing." She replied walking to the doorway of her morning class, " Just something we're betting on." 

" Betting?" her friend repeated wide -eyed and locked eyes with the other astonished girls around her, " Anko? Betting?" 

" Hey wait up Anko! You owe me the whole story!" With that, they chased their brown haired friend into the classroom. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

She waited for him, ignoring the fact that she would be late for her own class and leaned against the wall, waiting. He might not even show up, he seemed to love to sleep on the rooftop and skip classes, but she would wait. She would wait the whole day if it meant he would not show up, not come through the corridor, not pass by her and into the class. 

Not touch her. 

Not speak to her. 

Not see her. 

Sani waited patiently, standing in silence and listening to the quiet in the hallway, absolutely content. Class would start soon and if she didn't leave and get on her way, she would be late and she would be punished, but she waited. 

But then she heard it. The footsteps. 

How unfortunate. 

Pushing herself away from the wall she brushed off the invisible dust off her skirt, looking absentmindedly busy. She pulled the silver hair clip off the cuff of her sleeve and pinned her black bangs out of her face, so they would stop annoying her. 

The footsteps continued. 

She blew up at the tendril that escaped the binds and was impatient as she re-clipped it. She was starting to regret her the haircut she had gotten before the school year started. Why had she done it again? Eisei hadn't wanted to cut her hair alone. 

The footsteps sounded just about the right weight. 

Well the cut wasn't that bad, in fact she now that she thought about it, she liked it. She and Eisei picked it out together; they had spent 2 hours in the saloon flipping through books to find the exact styles they wanted. 

The foot appeared in her line of vision trailed by the following second foot. 

She lifted her head up, her bangs finally out of her way looked at the figure passing by her. " Rukawa-kun." 

She watched the body stop, fight its one second of indecisiveness and surveyed him as he slowly turn towards her. 

" Kiboo-san." He said, a flash of recognition flying by in his eyes. 

" You remember me?" 

What a useless question, of course he remembered her, she hadn't chased after him instead she had kept the wild fan girls away from him. Unlike his opinion on most girls, he could actually learn to get along with Kiboo Sani. 

She watched slowly as he nodded. " Yes. And thank you." 

She nodded back. " You're welcome." 

" Shouldn't you be at class Kiboo-san?" He wondered why she had seeked him out, she had never done it before. Unless it had been to help him get away from the mob of fan girls or it was in the gym, where she had gone to watch him play basketball. 

" No real reason." She said, smiling at him. And then she started to walk away, her back facing him. " Last year's end of the year Athletic Party was great." 

Athletic Party? But she hadn't attended. 

She had already turned the corner before he got around to say anything. 

******* 

Hiasobi - It took me a long time to get this chapter out, the next one won't take as long (I hope). Please don't forget to review! 


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